draw a foul smell, charged up, concrete falls absorb a fucking brick wall, talk the toughest of talks, like what’s the fuckery for i hold trust in these paws, thoughts nothing but pawns, gone nothing but forward, forced nothing but torture, of course the grantine is taken for when the road in front of your door is forked up i’d already won by the time zac had drawn one a moment of silence of all of the suns that scorched us sore spots, moreso lost than anxious couldn’t place it with the finger that i ‘sprained’ in quotations, plus on the map it doesn’t scale well on my death bed thinking of my poor dog maybe, probably i can’t contain it, thinking i should’ve laughed more with the neighbours, or looked my father in the eyes before he hit the haystack, words don’t begin to trace that the weed’s for the nausea steer away from the not sure it’s grief in my posture hear how faintly my god calls all my grievances fall short it’s weed for the back pain we sleep through the bad dreams at least the griefs in my backpack and my hand needs a leash all my grievances happen to grieve too we don’t believe you, you need more people!

can’t help but wonder what the proud is for, every time i mouth to god a mountain forms, doubts beyond doubt, it’s loud imports to kill time waiting for the sound to stop, ironic i was six playing with bionicles waiting for the violins to mark to violence end so i could go into my kitchen, quiet and without sign of threat, tried wishing, tried walking out the door can’t help but listen to what the proud enforces, enforcements crowd the source of what made the spouse so sore, he walked scot-free out the door, survived and he didn’t, i’m proud of course but i can’t keep rapping if i’m about to cough, can’t keep acting like it’s about remorse i might’ve said it nice and never meant it right, i could’ve said it twice but really needed an extra time to really mean it and get it right, i mean, the thirds a charm, i’m at my best when i’m stressed because then i’m high, the nerves are calmed, god wanted my trust, i just served her psalms, it’s an angel i’m in service of, my perfect love, hurt me once, shame on you, by the sixth time he hurt his son, maybe it’s time to blame remove, it’s surgical, my brain removed in cursive clumps, i love hate so i learnt me some it’s not impressive art, it’s the death it’s an impression of, pen never pressed a palm with lesser qualms to settle on, in debt to paul, to peter’s grave i’m bringing extra guns, play slow to please the pray i’m putting pressure on , i hung my head like a question mark, it’s not the next extensive thought, it’s not the hands stretched, extend to god, can’t believe it wasn’t the end of time when we fought, an airlie couldn’t rip us apart, i’m an airline away with the click of a card, the air between was getting thicker than lard, filled with what was missed, palpable like you could clip it in half if the scissors are sharp, but even distance departs, and houses move to randwick to annandale, to one month to they should build a bridge just for us, i give in my trust, scars i wouldn’t flinch if you touched, firm grip on my heart

stay resistant to change since gates insisted he came, hades listed his name, still the same little kid in the rain, shaking, inhibited, threatening habitat, habits ingrained in my cranium, it’s blame for the sake of it stake with his name at the tip of it, like a snake with scales ripped convinced me, i bit a bit trying to forgive with my fangs, my tongue got a grip on my tail, still trip on my tail, still trip on words distance tickles the nerves and strengthens and hurts and - whatever, we have pictures to frame, like mum look, i did it with paint, i belittle my pain for the sake of this little stage, scribbled sermons nowadays the word just isn’t the hitting the same like a brick or a train, stay resistant to change since the script read he was kicking the pail, shock-striken and pale, plot driven at least i got given a name in addition to everything this didn’t contain

somewhere inbetween reminiscing and barely missing him i guess is where i’m sitting now who can bear the bigger frown? i swear it’s different now, my tax money is collecting interest now, sitting in accounts, spared the christian route, still part of my life i probably wouldn’t have lived without, rappers cut and paste, pick up a pen, put the scissors down, that shit is dried out, the lids been lifted for a minute now, swear this house is colder than an igloo, stick the ground in his shoes, it’s big moves, like i enrolled in tafe today, woke up in a safer space, went home and figured i own a spade, i paved my own grave today swear you make my eyes turn to blue from crater grey, nobody else but you can find the words to move the pain away i just jot the stress, it is not my job to dot connect, it’s losts of losses left, that barrel hasn’t seen the bottom yet, when i could speak on cj, get a fucking album off my chest, but i’m still stuck on lachie’s mess, really i am not a threat, the pen can slide across my neck - now a line of ink is on my neck, it’s often bent, head hanging in shape of ‘t’ god’s interest is not my best, maybe we share a common death, that ‘t’ still has a cross to bare, i live in an imaginary fable dream where pete still hasn’t lost his hair, or ability to speak, and he is decent at his job, i swear dinner is never dry, people never stop and stare, he loves his wife so much he never even got her by the neck, and he left something to remember him by other than a rotten vile stench

words could’ve flew off the rooftop like suicide, but screaming “i love you!” into the sky wouldn’t do it right it makes seem stupid everything i scrutinise, when days end and the only thing i give a single shit about is you and i, i mean, with feelings like this - who could die? i’m competitive, let’s see who has the bluer eyes, ‘cause mine are where the bruises hide but i still get badu at times, been feeling overdue for flight, god’s not putting braille to his signs and love is mute and blind and a boulder too and i don’t think it’s going to move this time, it’s stupid pride, something tends to chew at mine words stuck to the roof of the mouth like the noose is tied, words that echo too much to recite, couple things to do but i’ve never really been the doing type, lord, i miss the things i used to fight for computer time, more lego, more time to settle scores, use the pen like othello’s sword

not one simile could sum it up, he kicked the fucking dust like a baby playing stomach drums, put two and two together, it was only free for some of us you try surrounding yourself with christians screaming “one of us!” spent the whole year like fathers day is just coming up his teeth just fell out like watermelon seeds thought he caught a blessing, please god just let him sneeze, how’d i burn through all that product in a week? in terms of grams we’re talking three short of seventeen, it’s the biggest lie told, all that talk was never cheap ‘cause if i’m talking then i’m probably high as possibly can be, really i let all that lachie get to me, not sure what to call it, it was more or less defeat but i got friends in hell so it’s a posse at my feet, fuck stones, we threw all the brick and mortar at his team, then we just fucking laughed and watched all your men retreat the tongue is not just playing sharp, get your favorite cut in half like it’s jordan’s 23, every bird was caged, i learnt the hornets and the bees i still parroted my father, of course i never speak the honest never bleed, but all my teeth are stained red, i gotta get them cleaned i’m naked as they come, praying as they go say a little quote and leave his networth hanging from my soul shit is sitting is an icebox, crowded by the other souls of everybody i loved, say it isn’t so, i was paying for my hope, had it right next to the eye drops waiting the price drop, all that patience but a stain upon my time, dog, place it on my clothes, all the forgiveness in the world couldn’t buy shit, so you could never sell me on it, wait until i get my timing right then try to tell me something raised around fathers who scene cause, left the boom in to yell in public zoom in, is it music or everything other? i wasn’t bred for the butter so i broke the second it was bagged, couldn’t spread it to summer, begging for the secondest chance to get it right, then try telling me something

(zac and tom)

i can only use the tools gave, like a prize, the truth gained when i rap, make the roof shake me and zac are still trying to figure out a group name, i’d rather the grief than a toothache, it’s less pain, me and sophie probably gotta buy some backup bed frames, sleep off the paracetamol and fuck away the headaches, sleeping under a parachute, the bag carrying dead weight i used to want to see him bleed just to set the men straight, but those are losing words, a losing sentence and a losing verse, losing nouns and losing verbs, it’s a long life, long game of who can lose it first, still trying to figure out if i lost faith or removed the church, which would you prefer?

a couple pleasantries skipped, skulduggery kept in my grip, slides and slips the rug under me, mum could see through it like a skeleton’s ribs, heavily implied that i’m the one under me, no better than him, i had my hand over my eyes on some veteran shit, imagine being passenger seat seeing your own lover seize, screaming next to the bridge, sounds like one funny scene, something seemed left in his lips when he left, left me wondering what it means when he said he’d never leave, i’m at my best in the breast of my love and peace, sometimes heaven seems here when i breathe in, right next to my ear, silent as fear, in my head i have an ending depicted every pleasantry is took with relief, life givers, hooked to machines, like tigger i was looking for my family while they were looking for me, i was cooking my tree, prayed a couple times, looked for release, that door looks good with a key, thoughts god couldn’t have dreamed disdain in every brush stroke, only praise the distant, every page was bloodsoaked, red-stained in pigment well i was aiming for that fuck’s throat, so if i prick it with some scissors, for the victims i must gloat, and admit that i was scared shitless the first time i picked up clippers, shaking fingers took a trip around my chin, my skin was knicked and itching, missing him within the mirror, write to create distinctions, every punch thrown for a bunch of fake forgiveness, at least i arranged it pretty, still couldn’t play it for my mum though, playing different made the difference, trying to trade statistics, but isn’t the pain intrinsic? he must know the love won’t be made to christmas, sometimes i miss him but it’s a game of inches, or i always did, just sometimes i say i didn’t, song time really loses importance, after some long flights, bruises and losses we must’ve snoozed, it’s the wrong time to be moved by performance, to put it to a recording really i just wasn’t too good at the mourning, i wanted truth, the type of truth that i could hook to a charger, can either brutalise honesty or use it with caution, just tell me i don’t look like my father, i was looking to god but he was going regardless could hear it the doctor’s tone, sometimes you know it’s disaster that’s got a hold of the home sometimes it’s a blessing if you let the plot unfold, i was too busy trying to jot it though, i mean like lots of notes the measures were drastic as fuck, you’d need a ruler that’s tapping the sun they told me to add in some love but isn’t my tragic enough? i had my back to the storm so it wasn’t happening once jaw to jaw these people are small, i want books from the ceiling peak to the floor dreams die, but i was already beating the horse this shit hurts, i’ll get to sleeping it off

burn holes in my thinking cap, can’t put it on next to my mother, the point is somewhere but i’m missing that, her son has been slowing her summer, it’s probably under where my finger sat, i’m trying to grow like a muscle, but i know there’s no convincing act i’m under water like a rudder or i’m in the air like a rudder known in places where the pain isn’t, just couldn’t name any, gave my patience to the gravediggers, they made plenty, i can’t lie and say it isn’t breaking me, i had relearn how to breathe like it’s my abc’s, can’t get by on saying cheese, the people in those photos screaming “don’t frame me, please!” i can’t lie and say it didn’t make me me, but i’m still known in places where the pain is free we didn’t have to speak, it stayed agreed - he’d fail to breathe sooner if i let him take from me hands shake like they’re anxious, please place a tail on me, promise i won’t flinch promise you won’t leave even if i make you leave, digging my own ditch zac had to relearn how to walk like it’s his baby feet, now we’re just grown kids, smoke big, the pain isn’t known here i could’ve maybe grieved - but that seemed like a whole thing everything that i was taught i hold in, you couldn’t make me breathe, i swear your soul is reflective, first time we met i saw it glow like a jellyfish, i swear now its holding the head hanging over my necklace, the rest said time is money, even the moments of stress spent but the more i spend stressed it’s making less sense and he stole straight from my wallet, and i still owe him some time it was probably a bad day for him when he started smoking cigarettes but it was a worse day for us, knowing he’d never get to quit again really it’s hard to tell who’s victory was in the end every argument against was always met by bigger men

it’s a big game of scurry and seek, but god couldn’t get me up from my seat, all the right words were stuck in my teeth, but it’s certain times i can do nothing but speak, sleight of hand, it’s really magic stuffed in my jeans i’m still kicking the same old stone making bloody my feet, but i’m no spiderman if i’m under debris my dad died in the middle of summer, what a crushing defeat, i walked out of the hospital to the loveliest breeze, the sun and the trees they’d think i’m angry how i’m puffing this steam, but somehow something kept the grief so fucking discrete, probably sophie’s love and belef, and the way things are going, legs are the only thing that could come in-between can’t find the time to doubt if i’m in love with her, the proof is inside, i felt it tighten around me like sphygmomanometer

posture up, this is the sort of war where the gods get cut, shoulders square toward the sun, fuck what was formed against, what’re you forming for? all the soldiers wearing jordan ones, i haven’t mourned him yet, i was doing all that writing, look back and the writing is like all i’ve done songs drop with an awkward thud - i more want to cause a fuss, but that’s the type of fight you can’t forfeit from, i ignored it once then the ignoring won either a god or i’m born of one but i dug the nails out my palms before he could call me son i lied like i was doing it all for mum, never met a kitchen floor with apathy, nothing tests the tooth strength like panicking scabs like bite marks, i pick at it like a mandolin, pull it apart like a mandarin nothing like the home that they trapped him in, i’m nothing but this rapping shit, get nothing back if you never had to give clear the smoke and the habits clear, man i’m sensitive like a rabbit’s ear, rip the packet, feed it to the pack, it’s a tragedy, i’m the plug, at least that’s what zac’s mum and dad perceive i didn’t build this home i just landed here - i was going for the moon, i’ll settle for stratosphere, losses didn’t make a man of me, dust it off my scapula, he fills a fucking urn like a cavity, i did it all out of fear until i ran out of fear all i want to do is move, who put the fucking mountain here? how did that appear? faith was an uphill battle, i went around the hill fuck the grief with which i wrote it, hid the notepad in the pits of the trogan, some tucked relief, a pocket full rode into hospital with some shit in the holster, they could’ve flipped a switch earlier - i didn’t oppose it in some ways i did but now i’m too brittle to hold them, those are missing components if i stole it, at least i admit that it’s stolen i’m doing admin and shit now, isn’t that growing? i’m taking time off for anxiety, sitting and smoking holding my thumb up, i still think that it’s broken what a primitive focus, fear that the distance imposes, fractured a rib from the blows my whole disposition like i’m in the invisible cloak firm grip on everything i think that i know, list shrinks by the moment, split rivers like moses gained a little bit of motion and i’ve since been in motion shit is sickening, feel like ripley if the ship had exploded the heart rips deep, i just want to give her the whole thing, memory full of holes like it’s knitted or crocheted don’t give me the onus

my soul looks like ground coffee, don’t try to groundhog me, live the day once then put it in the ground promptly the underground got me, plots like lost keys, i gotta ground probably before it couch-locks me, i mouth off like mouse feet on christmases, assertive stance without speaking a syllable, i learnt my circumstance was bad through comparison, not syllabus and curriculums i didn’t love your new shit, the bin chickens did, even i’m awake i’m not lifting lids, let jesus sleep and let the storm steer the ship, kept the summer at bay - at least my lyrics did dead at home, and away where my spirit is, the witch took me to the litter i couldn’t pick the pigs but parentless is fearlessness, inherited appearances and heard the rest is frivolous his urn is resting in the closet, yet to give to wind, can’t wait to treat him like a cigarette a couple secrets for the griefness, i’m the priviest, i’m feeling lighter, maybe that’s just what i lit it with you gotta give a grip to get a grip, unforgiveness that i’m settled with, in hell i’ll get my debts and make my settlements, we’ll settle it why deny smoking it? i smell of it, but i’m more zac’s hip than i was ever him, i’m more in the type of love to make my belly flip, independent of any inpediment i said it with push t and get bent like a neck and wrist not like i’m threatening, but zac’s presence is write with the same hand i exact vegence with treat any money like vegemite and spread it thin made the earth and leave it creditless not entitled necessarily, just write with a sense of it how i title my sincerity, it feels so disingenuous my father died and i was after any pen in reach, grief was penciled in i was spiraling, lachie fled the scene and zac next to me comparisons are empty seats, been trying to figure out - do i rap or do i spread belief? he’s already dead, maybe i should let him be, do i have to then repeat? i can’t unsee the shit i’ve never seen, resentment settled in, i keep thinking just one perfect verse will set me free, but it never did