1. |
porko rosso
01:04
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high like porko rosso, moreso not so scared of the talk or the bite off a fork so forceful,
drove a forklift before i could add to four to four,
go door to door selling morcels of thoughts,
spawned sprained, fallen in an angel’s palms that i called safety,
never asked about the day i walked, spoke, fought, waged all out war,
took my first fall outdoors, first time i thought i’d gone crazy
floor laced with gnawed nails, organise them and spell out your name, fourth time is a gem, born late, fell out all sprained,
paintings i did when i was six still on the wall framed
i had to stay to break the curse, that’s the pork pain
hiding in the crawlspace, in for a long stay
trying to break the underground but never tom waits
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2. |
dear, hold me at once
01:35
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closet full of phoebe bridgers,
fills me with the heebie-jeebies
money stressed because weed’s expensive, but they’ve got therapy freebies
she texted my mother with some awful kind birthday wishes, i texted her something along of the linea of “fuck your tickets”
then had a lovely dinner
but needs need meeting like parents,
my teeth were tensed and i was screaming for nearness
my studio is a forest and the trees can’t even hear me,
embarrassed of trying to stop
i really might be god, i mean i like my odds
feed me my credit, repeat my errors, cc my elders until i’m feetless, carried freely by carriage to my carers, stab me in my larynx,
see if i get louder, try put me on the titanic and see if i get out alive
climb the mount of ice and put a flag through it
fuck rap man i might start making dance music
sent you free with the hammer they smashed you with
leaving humans dammed, less nature, more just damn human
only repeat myself for those that i love
speak my hell like it was wrote from above
haven’t been myself in over a month
holding my tongue until my jaw is broken like trust
god loaned me the funds, i thought the hope was enough
it’s not supposed to be tough always, right? like the grief goes and it comes,
the closet reeks i might just open it up
or move to queensland for just a bit over a month, like here sophie i come
dear, hold me at once
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3. |
The plane
02:29
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the plane took me northwest, the coffee soaked the shortbread,
i think we’re getting closer because we’re ___ more and talking less,
it’s trust involved in all of that,
i stubbed a toe and dropped the act like it was fragile, man i couldn’t get the parts intact,
could only name a couple things that i feel farther than,
but distance peters out just like the impact of my father’s hand,
the palms are clammed, my claws are clasped to yours and that’s a comfort that i’ll carry until we all collapse
the calendar doesn’t lie, time glides like the moisturiser on her calfs
the rain was falling fast so i was barking back,
the bed springs were something like an orchestra, temperature-wise it was hot as fuck, like i bet next summer oughta come before the autumn does
and i could die lying on your chest, but where’s the heart in that?
i think i’m at my best when i’m slightly anxious at market stands
all i ask is treat my next album like the almanac
the plane took me half way, the coffee made my heart race
i felt the distance growing in a way that made my arms ache,
talking less and meaning more of everything i can’t say
woke to that alarm shake cold and in your arms safe to a glow as gold as silence,
took my heart like gucci’s bart chain,
i’m racing with my last name, the path was paved in harms way
my phone was charged like half way, a home to hold my heart break,
for our last game the devil ran a fast break,
breakfast was with love made and i cherished every crumb ate,
the type of love that i can’t really capture in a dumb tape
i was really trying to make an eternity out of a sunday
i think i’m at my best when you’re drawing on my arm and we’re sunbathing
you’d think she was a photographer and it’s love in every single one taken
in one take make tangible a feeling that is unshaken
all i ask is treat my next album like the sun made it
the plane took me backwards, nobody can wait like zac was, the time wasn’t just killed it was hacked up
as far as writing that’s all i have done
treat my next shit like the damn sun
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4. |
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the stress is starting to hurt a bit, wear my scars like a shirt that’s ripped
the body sacred until you get it charred and dispersed in wind
ate the apple with the worm in it, i didn’t pick it though, the serpent did so the punishments deserved to him,
like a prison i heard the worth’s within
23 years run without a smirk or grin,
so if i curve the lips it’s nothing more than a nervous twitch
trying to quantify the moment by the spurs of it
the clock is turning quick, i learnt the word ‘bitch’ before i learnt to swim
turning six i sat in front of pigs trying turn him in,
the litter wouldn’t take him, just said “lessen the disturbances”
packets purchased when my purse was pinched
the resentment hurts, but he’d be worse forgiven so i nurtured it
the streets haven’t earnt my spit,
the beach wind hasn’t earnt his wings so he’s sitting in a wardrobe
i still can’t swim but i’ll win when the wars over,
torn clothes in dogwood winters and tear pools on warm shoulders
the stress is starting to hurt a little
might hurt until i’m sitting in the belly of the furnace with him
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5. |
(survival instincts)
02:46
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survival instincts kicked in so i picked up a pen,
made shiver the ink, the shit on which it depends
play little or big, whichever option at hand,
pray something will stick, some of which i regret
forgiveness went through my head, just didn’t think it was best
really, i miss him to death, i guess you give what you get
made the mirror my friend, along with cigarette stench
i mean at least he didn’t hit her again
i mean at least he didn’t hit her again, huh?
but could’ve god given him the littlest chance to repent?
over half of my life that i can’t fucking remember
it’s getting harder to lie i’m trying to fucking forget you were alive in the first place
i’m trying for her sake, the woman that you’d strike on my birthday
who the fuck knows what i did when i turned eight?
she said i should let go of the hurt, aches but mumma i can’t help if i learnt hate,
i guess you get what you give
i was expecting that you’d meet some of my children and pictured you standing at my wedding, still unforgiven,
but since your riddance i’ve been building up a wall as secure as a prison,
i know you’d love what i’ve written, papa
heard time is a great healer but i didn’t even love you at the beginning of it,
and by the end of it i’ll probably just be with him, under everything
finally ask him what he got for selling the wedding ring,
sometimes i really think he’d come back but i’d
give away the world just to make sure that he never did
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6. |
time flies
01:20
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all that patience was frivolous in the end, huh?
end up maiming my innocence with your dead touch
chasing synonyms and i don’t really stretch much
all that patience was frivolous in the end, right?
end up maiming my innocence in your headlights
heavy scent on him to keep the stress light
different heaviness keeping peter’s chest tight
haven’t cared since, i need a respite
all waterfalls and bloodshot since peter left eye
no scrubs on, only self medicating in my spare time,
but all my time is spare, house hasn’t seen quiet yet, mouse guaranteed a silent death
and the meek might really die in jest,
like, wonder where that patience got me by the end, huh?
relations i was trying to mend, working up to maybe looking him in the eyes again, huh?
really october came by september
let him have his, i’ll gain mine month next
then next month came and he wasn’t really there
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7. |
||||
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even the wizards were praying, even the distance was shrinking by the end of the day
bitter refrain from letting resentment sink in my brain, writing this in the same room he had a grip on her face, i give what it takes,
won’t see these spinning or playing
slip a disk under the littlest weight,
fingers to break like a bank,
war locked in which of the safes?
even the wizards were privy to pain,
he had her shit gripped like a snake, slipped him some change and he slithered away
even the score a little bit, i’m trying to spit on a grave
still haven’t visited, spliff splitting, smelling of shame, fables and fibs
only lift fingers with splinters in, if i raise it i flinch, i take what it gaves,
erasing a sin on a razor-like edge,
didn’t wanna part but i’m playing my best,
let me stay in my nest, let me lay in my rest, zac shaving my head, let that wall catch hands until they nail mine next,
sometimes hope that god still got plans of saving my ex,
writing everything i didn’t say with my chest
my name is my death, steady saying my prayers and casting my spells,
even the wizards were payed, i don’t remember my age, look at whimsy i crave, studio ghibli playing, faded on the couch like i’m just a thing that it ate
the grief like a simba to tame with the flick of a flame, those christmases came in the blink of an eye,
that shit within an inch of my pride
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8. |
||||
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paint a funny pattern and i’m marvelling at mine
harsh and brittle times, the pain is rubber, plastic
art for muck and mud is lit for mire
lifted higher, my chain is fucking magic like the castle in the sky,
pit was slimy with the lions,
didn’t win the fight but played the bloody battle out until my palms were tinged and dyed
my father isn’t time, my past just isn’t mine,
half of me is blind like blessings i pardoned with the pirates, plugs, and liars
mess builds and it’s hard not to try to hide it,
guilty like survivors because i survived it,
meanwhile the lifeless are still and mighty quiet, worth measured in teaspoons and spine to spines that hurt resides in, alignment you divide by five
i might put my chain on and try to fly, or don a watch i could reverse the time with, october third and tell her not to come and nurture my shit,
the type of comfort i could find within,
might’ve flipped and hit the ceiling like spider pig, tracks just tracking the mud i’m mired in,
admire it,
rapping for the ones i won’t be reunited with,
until i’m living in a castle up in ireland,
hopping in like i don’t know how to fly this thing,
pilot instincts, fuck a tree branch, i’ll try again
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